"The murder should not define my life"

On Thursday, 7 March 2024, she had been at an exam. Many things were going on; she was becoming certified in pension services at the Academy Profession while still working as an adviser at Jyske Bank in Randers, where she was also a newly elected union representative.

And they were about to get married. On her way home, she was therefore driving around, putting wedding invitations into mailboxes to those invited from the local area.

Besides that, it was a completely ordinary day that ended in horror when Jonas went out in the evening to check out the rustling sounds from the driveway of their detached house.

He became the completely random victim of a burglar wielding a knife.

“Jonas managed to get back to me in the house. I tried to keep him alive until help arrived, but he bled to death in my arms. The house quickly swarmed with police officers and ambulance personnel.

Sofus, our Labrador, barked and woke up Anker. I stood with him in my arms by his bed when a police officer told me that it was over, Jonas was no longer alive.”

Also read: When Katrine's boyfriend was killed, her workplace kept her afloat

Even at that point, Katrine experienced her will to act awaken through the fog of deep shock and chaos. The then one-year-old Anker had to be protected.

“We had to pass Jonas and the rescuers, who were in the hallway, without Anker seeing anything. I shielded him and didn't look myself either. It was the first decision where I used my will to act.”

Test one week after the murder

The minutes, hours and days that followed featured one act of will after another.

The day before the funeral, she decided to stop taking the sedatives she had been prescribed, which had provided some relief, but also made her drowsy and prevented her from driving and picking up and dropping off Anker at daycare – and generally prevented her from feeling in control.

“I lost so much control over my life when Jonas was killed. I quickly realised that I needed to regain control and actively choose life. Even though I was plagued by grief and anxiety, I stopped taking the medication so I could be fully present at the funeral. I also felt that I owed that to Jonas.”

At the funeral, wearing her black dress, she shook hands with 500-600 people.

“It was intense, but I wanted to do it. It was very important to me. And when I could do that, I could also do the next thing that was necessary, and the next and the next.”

Among other things, even though her manager advised against it, she completed, on her own initiative, the certification that followed the exam she took on the day of the murder. If she didn't complete it, the exam would become outdated.

“It shouldn't be in vain that I had taken the exam that day.”

Helping others

When asked by the newsletter Finans, she decided to share some of the experience she has gained in the process of moving forward with her life – in the hope that others will benefit from it if their lives change radically to the worse.

Her reason for doing so is that she received a lot of positive feedback after the first article in which she described the importance of one's workplace in a life crisis. The feedback for instance came from people who could actively use her advice.

People thought I was going to break down

Shortly after the loss of Jonas, she packed their life together in the detached house into cardboard boxes, moved for a short while to her parents' house, and then moved on to her own new home. 

"I had, and still have, my parents close. They became a great support to me and Anker."

She resumed work with significant help and support from her managers and colleagues, not to mention psychologists, a process she has, as mentioned, described in a previous article.

She clearly felt that those around her were concerned about her reaction.

“They were afraid that I would suddenly break down. I heard that many times from all sides. Take care of yourself, Katrine. They didn't believe I could continue to cope. In a way, their reactions helped me because it had to mean I was doing well. Besides, breaking down was out of the question; I have Anker to take care of, and now he has only me.”

Strong performance

Little by little, she formed a path back towards a new life.

“Working was really good for me. It gave me something else to focus on than my grief and gave me energy to create results. I have always been very targeted in my work, but after some time I reached unprecedented heights and created really good results. My colleagues couldn't quite match that side of me with what had happened.”

Also read: When Katrine's boyfriend was killed, her workplace kept her afloat
She also felt the effect of time passing.

“The first year, all special days were difficult. The day we were supposed to get married, for example; the first year it was very difficult, but the second year I forgot about it, because we never got married. Now it's Jonas's birthday and Father's Day that are the hardest," explains Katrine Ross, who has strong ties to Jonas' parents, who also took over Sofus the Labrador.

“In the beginning, keeping Sofus was necessary to hold on to some of the few things left. I had lost my partner, the father of my child, my home – but I couldn't make it work. I had to realise that having a large dog that required a lot of exercise wasn't compatible with having a job and being alone with Anker. Luckily, Jonas' parents were able to take him in, so we see him often.”

New love

Katrine started dating at some point, but wasn't really ready for it until she met her current boyfriend.

“Even though I tried, it took a long time before I was ready to date again. First, I had to get used to being home alone; it wasn't easy as I was used to being with Jonas always. Of course, it was also extremely difficult having experienced what I did. I'm traumatised in relation to sounds, which I have worked with a lot. Overall, self-development has been a major focal point for me.”

Katrine has now become so good at being alone that she enjoys the time she has after having put Anker to bed.

“But to have found a boyfriend, to have someone in my life again who loves and supports me – that truly means a lot.  I'm not done building a family. I don't want to let my life be defined by such a devastating incident."

New job

Her boyfriend was an important sounding board when she decided to take the plunge and replace her job at Jyske Bank with one at Finobo, which has been in the market only few years, has around 40 employees and specialises in providing independent financial advice to private individuals. She has now worked for six months as a financial adviser in its branch in Aarhus, which is where she meets the newsletter Finans on a beautiful spring day.

“In addition to the new self-development opportunities and a different flexibility because I organise the work myself, the job has also given me the possibility to start over in relation to colleagues. The murder isn't on my mind as much anymore. Here, I'm Katrine, and the trauma is in the past and part of my personal history.”

Just ask

Although she is happy that it is no longer part of her day at work in the same way, she has no intention of hiding the tragedy she was struck by from her new colleagues.

“When I was employed with Finobo, I chose to tell the colleague who was hired at the same time as me and whom I spent a lot of time with. He was deeply shocked, but I told him that it is not taboo for me. He and other colleagues are free to ask about it, rather than talking about it among themselves. I've discovered that interest in knowing more paves the way to a better understanding.”

Questions from the CEO

Morten Eriksen, co-owner and CEO of Finobo, was also at an early stage made aware of the new employee's history.

“I was at the same time told that Finansforbundet had written an article about it, containing good advice on what to do as a manager. I used it actively in connection with one of the other employees who has also suffered a life crisis. He has since thanked me for reaching out several times.”

Some of the advice given by Katrine, which you will find repeated in the fact box below, is that as a manager, you should quickly reach out and make it clear that support is available.

Morten Eriksen tells us that he personally finds it easy to be open and emphasises that the company's overall culture is one where people talk openly together – even about difficult topics.

Nonetheless, he had to prepare for asking Katrine about such a tragic incident.

“I was looking for an opportunity and, when I happened to meet Katrine alone, I asked if she wanted to talk about it. I praised her courage to come forward in the article and told her that her advice had been useful for me.”

That meant a lot to her, she says.

“It was touching that Morten invited me to talk and also that he had read the article and could actively use the advice I had given. At the same time, I felt that I had once again landed in the right place in terms of work.”

They briefly discussed internally whether to inform her colleagues collectively, but Katrine did not want her story to be announced widely – an approach shared and supported by Morten Eriksen.
“I don't want my colleagues to define me based on what happened. But it's nice that those closest to me know what happened. Today, I am Katrine with extra life experience, and it's always okay to talk to me about it.”

Also read: When Katrine's boyfriend was killed, her workplace kept her afloat