How to talk about pay with your colleagues

9. Dec 2024

4 min

"How much are you being paid?"

A lot of people might have wanted to ask their colleague directly about the amount paid into their bank account every month, but it may also feel like crossing the line to talk about it.

Nonetheless, it pays off to have the awkward talk. Because talking openly about pay is directly reflected in your pay slip. This is the opinion of Caroline Rønne, the person behind valU, a company which teaches women how to negotiate their pay.

She has 17 years of experience from various commercial roles, one of which was as sales director for Deutsche Bahn, the national railway company in Germany. So she has sat on both sides of the table when pay is to be negotiated.

"Studies show that pay transparency leads to higher salaries. If you don't tell others about your pay level, the only person to benefit is the employer. In fact, it is against the law to prevent employees from talking about their salary level. Salary secrecy doesn't exist in the Danish labour market. Go for it!” she encourages.

Caroline Rønne has concrete advice on how to start talking about pay.

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"You are not what you're paid in salary," Caroline Rønne underlines.

You are not what you're paid in salary

The experienced pay negotiator sees that many are emotionally affected when talking about their salaries because they link the level of salary to their own value.

She therefore primarily encourages everyone to put that mindset away.
"You are not what you're paid in salary," she underlines.

Instead she believes that the pay level mirrors the state of the company when you were hired, and, of course, also your negotiation skills. But roles and demand change, and so does how much your employer is willing to pay.

And when you are negotiating your salary, it is important to have done thorough research on the salary level, and in this respect, input from colleagues is worth its weight in gold.

"People generally want to help."

- Caroline Rønne, pay negotiation expert

Ask without asking directly

One way of talking about pay in the office is to use what Caroline Rønne calls the benchmarking method.

This means to ask about the salary level without asking your colleague directly to show the numbers on their pay slip.

Caroline Rønne suggests opening with the following sentence:

“I recently read about salary levels in our industry. Do you have any idea how our company matches the standard?”

You may also be even more specific and read earnings statistics in advance. Then, according to Caroline Rønne, you could ask:

"I have found earnings statistics documenting that the average salary in our position is around DKK xx. Does this seem realistic compared to what you know?"

Caroline Rønne explains that most people will start off by comparing with their own monthly salary.

“When you answer such a question, you do so based on your own experience. And that experience is your own salary,” she says.

Consult your colleagues as though they were advisers

Another approach is what Caroline Rønne calls the consultation method. In this connection, the idea is to ask about the pay negotiation experience of your colleagues.

A question could be:

“I am considering negotiating my salary and would like to hear your tips or experience in this regard?”

Again, you could be even more specific.

“I am considering proposing a salary increase of X, so that my salary would be XX. What are your thoughts on that?"

Here too, the colleague would answer based on their own salary. And when you ask for advice, most people usually try to help.

"People generally want to help," Caroline Rønne points out.

Caroline Rønne

Caroline Rønne has 17 years of experience from various commercial roles, one of which was as sales director for Deutsche Bahn, the national railway company in Germany. Today, she runs valU, a company which teaches women how to negotiate their pay.

Highlight your experience

It may also be a good idea to highlight your colleague’s experience and expertise when taking on the subject of pay.

“If you have an experienced colleague you look up to, tell it to that person and start your questions with ‘based on your experience,” explains Caroline Rønne, referring to the approach she calls the mentoring method.

A question could be:

"Based on your experience, what would a reasonable salary be for someone in my position?"

You may also ask more specifically about your colleague’s own experience with salary development in the company.

“I admire your career path in this company. How has the level of your salary progressed, and what do you advise me to expect?"

Take the first step to sharing

Last but not least, you could also simply suggest that you tell each other about your salary levels. Caroline Rønne calls this the sharing method.

According to Caroline Rønne, you could, with advantage, lead by example, asking a question like:

“I am considering telling you about the amount I'm paid in salary in order to raise the level of our salaries. Do you want to share yours to help us both? I'm happy to start."

You may also ask a broader group of colleagues, suggesting a more anonymous model.

“How about comparing salaries anonymously to get a better idea of where we stand?”

Once you have received input from your colleagues, you’re well on your way to being ready for negotiating your pay with the manager.

Read this

Five questions to get you a better pay

If you are employed on an individual contract and negotiate your own pay, here are some hands-on questions to ask your manager offered by negotiation expert Caroline Rønne.